i gave her no pause -
today the sun stood still -
I felt the day freeze frame -
but i gave her no pause,
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
rough... that 70th step is a doozy!
It has been 69 days and change. Presently, and for most of this weekend in one sense or another, i have felt rough.
I have been making decent strides in cramming for my midterm on monday morning, and have pretty well covered about half the material i have to cover over this weekend as i approach its halfway mark here. But for various reasons, surrounding a few interactions, a few non-interactions, a few worried phone-calls from old-friends and half-acquainces where i listened absently to their own worries and stresses, a few short-term stresses in my immediate future, bafflement about impeding vacuum in my near future, long term stresses in the not so near future, and the perpetually persistent and unanswered matter of how the hell i'm going to pay for 'this all', i am finding myself quite anxious, and a little bit beside myself as to what do with that anxiety - or how to channel it or expel it. So instead i'm sitting here, chain-smoking, drinking the umpteenth cup of tea of the evening and shuffling my way through these equations and exercises. This weekend started off so fresh and upbeat. Now i feel like i'm waiting either for something bad to happen or for a worse unhappening.
This is day 69. Unfortunately, i feel like that is probably circumstantial also.
I have been making decent strides in cramming for my midterm on monday morning, and have pretty well covered about half the material i have to cover over this weekend as i approach its halfway mark here. But for various reasons, surrounding a few interactions, a few non-interactions, a few worried phone-calls from old-friends and half-acquainces where i listened absently to their own worries and stresses, a few short-term stresses in my immediate future, bafflement about impeding vacuum in my near future, long term stresses in the not so near future, and the perpetually persistent and unanswered matter of how the hell i'm going to pay for 'this all', i am finding myself quite anxious, and a little bit beside myself as to what do with that anxiety - or how to channel it or expel it. So instead i'm sitting here, chain-smoking, drinking the umpteenth cup of tea of the evening and shuffling my way through these equations and exercises. This weekend started off so fresh and upbeat. Now i feel like i'm waiting either for something bad to happen or for a worse unhappening.
This is day 69. Unfortunately, i feel like that is probably circumstantial also.
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