'through medititation i program my heart to beat break-beats, and hummm basslines on exhalation.

J remarks that the key to attraction/seduction appears to be scarity. I am not a scare inividivual. I have been accused more than once of being larger than life, of being a perenially overflowing cup, disseminating my attentions, affections, and energies to anyone to has happened prompt it.

it comes to my attention that i have become critically undervalued; in the estimation of others, but also -either consequently or causally- in my own self estimation and private mirror-confronting reflection.

Part of this problematic is enformed by my vague life-philosophy that i try to live out and actualize: vaguely to personify love, acceptance, openness in relationships with others and to try and transcend or step out of the hegelian master/slave discourses of power, social transactions of status or upperhand, of the phenomenological 'intentionality' of subject-will predicating object-other. This behavioral example is present in the buddha, the christ, and Zarathustra figures of mono-narrative religion, but it demands willing disarmament of the will as an oppositional barier of selfhood in a world ever not a fraction of a fraction of the rest of the wills out there behave this way - or are even open / capable of attempting it. I concede i havent personified the ideal of that modality but I think i access it regularly and act consciously to apply it.

I figured the goal is informed by the under-pinning notion that the sense of 'Love' that occurs beyond good & evil, in a space above moral judgement, in the communion between a person and a person, or a person and a society, alienating dogma, or natural world such that

the Self-defining, otherness-honing Ego is told to stand down, and where instead of contrast in opposition between the self and other, the distingushing border - the limen - between self and other begins to dissolve and differential inter-judgement becomes impossible. I will call this Ontological Love, because it involves a fundamental shift in the space of the ontology of a subject vs. object in its participant. This philosophy, i believe, is pinned down and implicit it an an be extracted from an open reading of any religious scripture, and its eschateological narrative towards transcendance or the playing out of this story/chapter/dimension/ba

rdo of the will.

This modulation of ontology is precisely a process of ontological transcendance or evolution... this therefore i feel is a worthy, perhaps most worthy directive of the conscious will or mind in its defining narrative of co-dependant,in constant flux, with otherness.

In every avenue of the human experience, of the phenomenonlogy of will, this maxim holds:
We do not fight ourself, taking shape, or in coming together. But we tear ourselves part in coming apart.